literature

My Immortal

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Strippers should not dance to something so heartfelt. Not ever. She decided to make it a rule in the club. After her day with Mysti, she had gone to the Bare Lust to unwind. Only a few songs and a half a glass of wine later… she was home. She hadn't even the strength of emotion left to take the short walk, magically stepping from one building to the other.

She knew this moment would come. She'd been so strong for so long. Not even she could ignore or control those emotions forever.

Sharula would be asleep, she knew. A wave of her hand to the door of her pets room would seal it shut for the night. Flames sprouted up around the door and wall. Everything in her home was fireproof, so the sound only served to cause the white noise necessary to create a kind of soundproofing. She liked the girl. She did. It was the only reason she had even considered bringing her to the notice of her friend. But this, this was something different.

Hunter made her way to the fireplace. The locket around her neck was blazing with light that she just seemed to ignore. That song. It had pushed those emotions to their inevitable cliff. She was hanging off the edge of something she had been avoiding for a long time.

Her mind traced back to what she had heard. Nothing had touched her that deeply since he had died. One hand moved to the top of the fireplace, steadying herself. The other hand wrapped around her locket, holding it as tightly as she could without breaking it.

I'm so tired of being here…
Suppressed by all my childish fears.
And if you have to leave…
I wish that you would just leave.
Your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone…

The strength of her concentration caused something strange to happen. Caused her powers to grip what she was concentrating on and push it out into the open. The music played through the house through a fluke. A loss of control. Wards and charms that dotted the premises were going off in unison, causing the sounds of the song to pulse throughout the walls.

"Sam…" She said out loud. No whispering. No façade.

These wounds won't seem to heal,
This pain is just too real.
There's just too much
That time cannot erase.

When she lifted her face to look at the picture above the mantle. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. No control left. No willpower.

It felt like the picture was mocking her. She couldn't remember being as happy as she was in that time. She didn't remember what smiling like that felt like. She wasn't sure she was even capable of it anymore.

When you cried,
I'd wipe away all of your tears.
When you'd scream,
I'd fight away all of your fears.
And I held your hand
Through all of these years.
But you still have
All of me.

"Sam…" She said again. As if he could hear her through that locket, through the picture, through the veil of the Abyss that separated them. Her only hope of seeing him again was through the self-serving soul of her brother. A soul she wasn't sure she could trust, but the only one with the power to do what she needed.

She had no choice but to trust the man. No choice. She felt as though her legs were wobbling, as though she would fall. She'd have kicked off her shoes for more balance, but, to be honest, after hundreds of years wearing them all the time, it would have thrown off her balance more.

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light.
Now, I'm bound
By the life you left behind.
Your face, it haunts
My once pleasant dreams.
Your voice, it chased away
All the sanity in me.

"I'm so sorry, Sam." Her voice was hoarse, she was not used to talking around that lump that had grown in her throat. She was so close to success. So close to getting everything she'd wanted. The fear of failure she'd have never admitted to… it felt like the world on Atlas' shoulders.

"I tried. I swear to the gods, I tried." Her voice cracked as she sobbed, staring at his face. Happy. Mocking. It was mocking her. Would she ever be that happy again? Would he?

These wounds won't seem to heal,
This pain is just too real.
There's just too much
That time cannot erase.

For a woman who was so easily in tune with other people's emotions, sometimes it was so very hard to express her own. Add to that her position as Matriarch in a family of warriors and you got a woman who was not allowed to show weakness. Not if she wanted to lead her family to survival. The one man she could show it all to, who would have never held it against her… was mocking her from that picture. That picture from before his face had started to decompose. From before she had failed him.

When you cried,
I'd wipe away all of your tears.
When you'd scream,
I'd fight away all of your fears.
And I held your hand
Through all of these years.
But you still have
All of me.

She collapsed as the wards sparked with light. The walls almost seeming to explode inward as she did. Her emotions fed the flames around Sharula's room. It would get warm inside, not enough to hurt her, but maybe enough to wake her up. She was lucky the room was ultimately fireproof, or she'd have been burned alive. Her emotions, pouring from her, finally, from beyond that impenetrable boundary within her, affected the magic of every part of her home.

Outside, her beautiful garden was dying. The roses wilting. Petals falling from the stems to drift and die on the paths and grass.

"I'm so sorry Sam…" She was repeating herself. She even knew she was repeating herself. It didn't stop her. She had been holding it in for too long.

The grief.

The guilt.

The loss.

She'd lost more than her soul-mate in that year of hell. That year of watching him decompose before her eyes. Unable to touch him. Unable to comfort him as he withered, painfully, away.

I've tried so hard to tell myself
That you're gone.
But, though you're still with me,
I've been alone all along.

She was so close. Her intent was pure. Her karmatic being was rising. Her success was probable. She'd sacrificed everything. People. Relationships. Her whole life. To see him again.

The dimensions quaked and shifted, interlocking, on her very command. She was willing to destroy the entire world for one more day with him. She was proving it at that very moment. She would break the dimensions in two, end the world, the lives of everyone… just for his.

It didn't matter.

It all came down to these moments.

All her work.

All her hopes.

All her life.

She just needed to find the right dimension. A single dimension in all of existence would have a Samhain that was in her position. That would be doing the ritual at the same time as her. That would be pulling on their connection. Sacrificing himself for her, as she intended to do for him.

She just had to find him. If they could find each other, through the dimensions, they could pull at the same time, bringing their own souls back from the Abyss in each world.

Someone had to find the needle in the haystack for this to work. People were helping who didn't even know they were helping. She would deal with those consequences when the time came.

When you cried,
I'd wipe away all of your tears.
When you'd scream,
I'd fight away all of your fears.
And I held your hand
Through all of these years.
But you still have
All of me.

She was not the Matriarch tonight. Not the Minister of Magic. Not the Queen of KIN. Not the Mistress. For the very first time in a very long time, Hunter was just a woman. A woman who would do anything to keep a promise she made to her sick husband. A woman who just wanted her life back.

A woman who had failed before.

Failed her soul-mate.

Failed herself.

You still have…
All of me…

Her body leaned up against the stone of the fireplace, and her arms wrapped around her knees, pulling her legs up to her chest. Like she were no more than a depressed teen. Her face hid within her knees and she sobbed. Uncontrollably.

The wards slowed as she allowed herself that release of tears. That release she had denied herself for a long time. The spells were regulating. The heat in Shar's room would die down and her door would no longer be sealed shut.

Tonight, she was a woman who knew she could still fail.

A woman who knew there might be no going back, no matter what she did.
Hunter's emotions are trigger by a song she heard for the first time in her strip club. She proceeds to lose some of her hard-won control. [ Song is "My Immortal" by Evanescence ]
© 2012 - 2024 VerbophobicPoet
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